Tag Archives: OKCupid

(Yes, Even More) Thoughts on Online Dating

As I mentioned previously, I met Will via OKCupid. Since then, I’ve been a big advocate of using online resources to “get out there” (so to speak).

Let’s be frank, though. I’m not your mother. I don’t care about the grandbabies. I just want you to be happy. If you think meeting new people and perhaps starting a new relationship would make you happy, let’s go! If not, that’s fine. See you tomorrow (No worries! I still love you!).

As mentioned previously, I made online dating into a “job” of sorts and devoted time each day to being on the site. I mentioned that this may be a little nerdy. Well, I did something else that may be a little nerdy as well – I had other friends review my profile.

Friend 1: The Witty Wordsmith

My dear, lovely friend Theresa was ever supportive of my online quests. Beyond my love of her diction, Theresa knew me. Anyone can craft a magical (false) profile that will draw the mens like bees to a picnic but that’s not what I was after. I wanted me – polished. I wanted to use the words in my profile to craft the best (honest) picture of who I was and what I was about. Frankly, I have never experienced writer’s block like the kind I had while trying to describe myself to strangers/date-able men. This part – getting started – can be the most daunting. Like all daunting tasks, however, having friends around makes it easier. Pick a close friend (perhaps the one with the stellar vocabulary) and do it to it.

Friend 2: The Man-Friend

Mike, a friend and fellow craft beer aficionado, also took a look at my profile. Besides pointing out a grammatical error (arg!), he commented on the photos I had posted. It’s interesting to get other people’s take on how you look – I know I can be very self-critical. I had recently gotten bangs and decided that I couldn’t post pictures of pre-bangs Helena as that would be way too confusing. Mike convinced me that guys (or at least the guys I was trying to lure) are not that easily thrown off course. Plus, he gave my profile a kind of man-stamp-of-approval.

In addition to their suggestions on how to tweak my profile, having Mike and Theresa’s help was incredibly encouraging. Sometimes, dating (online or “in real life”) needs a dose of encouragement.

In Which I’m a Smidge Vain

Look, its me!

 

At the end of April, I worked with the lovely and talented Gretchen Kelley to produce these headshots. We had a beautiful (if slightly windy) day to work with, so we set out about her neighborhood here in Chicago and took some pictures.

At first, I was concerned my inner-awkwardness would win out. The last time I had portraits done was Senior Year of High School, and, despite my mothers protestations to the contrary, I wasn’t too thrilled with how those turned out. Since then, I haven’t been the solo focus of a stranger with a fancy camera.

Gretchen, however, was a complete doll. We chatted the whole time and I was perfectly at ease.

 

I received the final images last Friday, and I had to share – both the photos and the backstory (there is always a backstory).

As we know, I met my boyfriend via Online Dating. While I was initially putting my profile together, I realized that I didn’t have any photos of myself that I really liked. I know this sounds prissy, but – from what I’ve seen at least – everyone is their own worst critic when it comes to photos. Somewhere in the process, I considered enlisting professional help.

I looked online and made a few calls. When I explained that the photos would be for use in an online dating profile, I was excited to hear that several of the photographers had received such requests before and knew some tricks to keep the final images more “casual, girl-about-town” and less “stiff glamour shot.”

[Note: this is by no means meant to imply that everyone who does online dating has professional pictures. Hardly. I'm definitely not saying it is a requirement to have a stellar profile. It's merely something I looked into to soothe my own insecurities.]

Insecurities aside, my inner miser balked at paying too much for these photos. Enter, YouSwoop. I got a great deal to work with Gretchen.

But then, of course, I met Will before I scheduled my photo session because, well, that’s always how these things work out, isn’t it? I considered other options for using the pre-paid deal (would my mother like portraits of my sister and me for Mother’s Day?) but then decided that you lovely blog-readers may want to see the person behind the writing here.

Aren’t I lovely?

 

Online Dating, For the Win!

If recent Match.com commercials are to be believed, many a modern romance starts online. As such, I’d like to introduce myself as a happy statistic. Before I met Will, I was a serial online dater.

I did Match.com…

then eHarmony…

then Match again…


and then OKCupid where I met Will in January 2010. Over a year later, I can affirm that signing up for an online dating account was the best decision I’ve ever made (YES, even better than studying abroad which I’m always yammering on about as being such a great decision. It was. Will is better).

So how did it all go down?

I spent time on the site. All the people who told me that I’d “find the guy I was looking for” when I “stopped looking” can officially eat it. What is the point of putting yourself out there if you aren’t actually putting yourself out there? (Cue reference to that one episode of Sex and the City where that dating guru lady insists that Charlotte is not really “putting herself out there.” This is not that. I’m no guru. Also, my advice is free). I made online dating into a little “task” I had to perform each day and I spent a pre-determined amount of time looking at profiles and writing/responding to messages. Sound a touch lame? Maybe it was. For me, though, if I was paying to be on the site, I would… be on the site.

I talked to people on the site. All dating sites are somewhat different but all have some variant of a messaging system. I used it. No, I didn’t spam every boy in my area code, but if I was interested in someone (based on what they’d shared in their profile), I let them know. Sometimes, they responded, sometimes, they didn’t. That’s kinda how the game goes in real life though, no?

I met people in person (In public. In a well-lit place). Did I go on a lot of bad dates? No. (Did I go on a few? Yes). I also went on a couple oh-my-goodness, tingly-smiles, text-all-my friends good dates that kept me a believer. By the time I met these guys in person, we’d exchanged several messages online and I was fairly convinced I wasn’t walking onto the set of Law & Order, SVU.

Rinse and repeat. Your mileage may vary. Caveat emptor.

I won’t get all glib and say that it was easy. Or fun, really, because sometimes it wasn’t. Sometimes, despite evidence to the contrary right in front of me on my computer, I felt like the. last. single. girl. EVER. It was frustrating, it was time-consuming, it was challenging.

But it was worth it.

(ok, that ending was a touch glib, but I’m serious. I’d do it all again knowing that Will was waiting for me at the end. Oh, that was SUPER glib. OK, I’m out).