Quiet
I was thinking lately of how little quiet there is in my life.
Part of it is my own choosing – I listen to various podcasts all day while I work. Part of it is not as elective – the ceaseless mental chatter that keeps me up at night.
Sometimes, I think I would benefit greatly from meditation or at least a calm yoga practice.
Something about quiet alarms me, though. I’m unlikely to let a silent minute pass in a conversation before rushing to fill it. I have endless stories and commentary. I like to talk. I like to fill the quiet.
I think it’s partially related to my general inability to sit still; to rest, to do nothing, to let dirty dishes sit undisturbed in the sink. I’m generally doing. I have lists of lists of endless things to get done.
A guy I dated in grad school always mocked what an overachiever I was in high school. I was – all my friends were – involved in a thousand things: band, sports, academics, volunteering. There was no quiet and little rest. Then-Boyfriend compared it to his own high school career where he apparently came home and did nothing all evening (per his retelling).
What do you mean, do nothing? I’d clamor.
Just sit and think, he’d tell me.
At the time, I thought this was crazy. And lazy. And completely lacking any practical application in my life.
But now, sometimes, when I’m riding the El and I let myself (yes, “let” myself) just stare out the window rather than reading whatever book I’ve brought along, I have Deep Thoughts and fun ideas and just think things out in a new or different way. (And then I come here and blog about it as thoughts can’t stay in my head for very long without being distributed in some fashion.)
So I know that quiet can be beneficial, I just rarely find (of even seek) it. Maybe that needs to change this year.
True story, this is super important! Too bad there was no AP Relaxation and Balance class taught at SHS, no?
I get medicine as an infusion- so it’s 3 hours of sitting in a clinic, hooked up to an IV. I could bring my laptop and work on work or volunteering stuff, but when I started, I let myself have these 3 hours to just focus on me, appreciate the miraculous drugs that I am getting to keep me healthy and productive, and not feel guilty about not being productive. Daytime Discovery Channel and Lifetime movies don’t hurt, either.
HA – AP Balance. I would have failed.
What I’ve noticed about myself since being married, and what I find funny, is that I have a much easier time just sitting quietly and reading or watching TV or staring off into space if Matthew is home. Even if he’s not in the room with me.
When I’m home alone for very long, though, (especially if he’s out of town) I find myself restless, wanting to be cooking or cleaning or going somewhere … I’m always getting up to check something or fiddle with something. it’s like I want to be able to prove to him (or myself?) that I was productive. Which is silly, because as long as the house isn’t a wreck and I’ve showered he doesn’t care.
Interesting. I still am in a phase where I feel all oddly-guilty if I’m reading and he’s sitting there on the couch… I mean, he can entertain himself (he’s an adult and all) but I feel like I should be paying more attention to him. He always tells me I’m being crazy. I’m good at finding things to be guilty about.
Once the weather is better a good way to start will be sitting in a park, there you will have so much visual stimulation but will not need to play an active role in it letting yourself gradually relax.
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We’ve had such a warm winter here that you’d think I could do that now!
Haha, I like how you referred to your past boyf as your “Then-Boyfiend.” Or was that a Freudian slip?
I also fill every second of my waking life, and it’s sometimes exhausting. (See recent blog post about it…) But I’m trying not to over-schedule, and to just take things as they come.
Also, if you want to get PAID to sit around and think, I highly recommend life modelling.
Two hours of just sitting around. Granted, it’s in the buff, but it’s a good chance to think about what you can do once you have clothes on again.
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HA! Freudian. Fixed.