How Sixth Grade Destroyed my Jeans, Part 2: Little Restroom of Horrors
Being a Sixth Grader at Ben Milam Elementary was a position of deepening responsibility. By the end of the year, we were even allowed to go to the restroom whenever we needed to (with a restroom pass) rather than waiting for our class to line up and go en masse. Big happenings.
So, I’m in the school bathroom by myself for one of the first times. It’s liberating.
But then I remember that the stall I’m in is haunted and when you flush the toilet, ghosts can come out and get you. Problems.
The only way to escape the bathroom with your soul is to flush-and-run!!! out to the sink area. Quick like lightning.
So I flush.
But something is holding me back! CLEARLY IT’S THE TOILET GHOSTS so I run with renewed fury.
I hear a ripping sound. It appears the ghosts have taken mercy on me and I was actually being detained by the belt loop of my jeans. I’d somehow hooked myself onto the door latch mechanism. My pants are now split down the side from my hip to the top of my thigh.
And I’m wearing bright, neon underwear. I’d thought those underwear were so cool when I picked out the massive pack at Sam’s Club but now their blinding design was a bit of a liability.
I hobble back to class and show my Student Teacher. Being a man, he’s horrified by my little girl undies and sends me to the Principal’s Office post-haste.